Style Invitational Week 1346: AZ if — balancing acts A brand-new neologism contest. Plus the winning combo-abbrevs. (Bob Staake for The Washington Post) By Pat Myers Pat Myers Editor and judge of The Style Invitational since December 2003 Email // Bio // Follow // August 22 (Click here to skip down <#report> to the winning abbreviation combos) *B-Y: Bolshy: A Russian ballet company whose dancers suffer from stage fright. * /(Bob Staake)/ *H-S: Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.* /(Tom Witte, Week 278)/ *S-H: Suckotash: A dish of corn, lima beans and tofu. * /(Russell Beland, Week 278)/ *M-N: Mucussion: The drastic result of overly strenuous nose-blowing.* /(Chris Doyle, Week 368)/ *M-N: Mushderloin: Result of a kick in the crotch. * /(Stephen Dudzik, Week 156) / This week’s contest was suggested to the Empress by the Royal Consort, who sleeps in on Sundays later than the E does these days. He was lying in bed, listening to the weekly Sunday Puzzle a few weeks ago on NPR’s “Weekend Edition,” and heard the answer to a challenge posed by listener Andy Blau: Think of a word that is “alphabetically balanced,” or symmetrical: Its first and last letters are the same distance from the beginning and end of the alphabet; its second and second-to-last letters are, too; and so on. He suggested BEVY — B and Y; E and V. The winning word: WIZARD. How cool is that! It’d be insane to ask you to produce totally balanced words, but I think we could work it with the ends. *This week:* *Think of a /new /word or two-word phrase that begins and ends — either way — with one of these “alphabetically balanced” pairs, * as in the examples above, most from earlier contests that happen to fit this week’s parameters: *AZ, BY, CX, DW, EV, FU, GT, HS, IR, JQ (good luck!), KP, LO, MN* Submit entries at *wapo.st/enter-invite-1346 * (all lowercase). Winner gets the *Lose Cannon, * our Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives a /toiletklaver,/ or, as its Danish manufacturer translates it, *“bathroom piano”:* It’s an electronic floor mat that you place in front of your commode so that you may tap out a tune — perhaps “Let It Go” — on the keyboard diagram. But can you do that /and /write Style Invitational entries in the same session? Try to find out. Donated by Loser Since Week 120 Roy Ashley. *Other runners-up *win our “You Gotta Play to Lose” Loser Mug or our “Whole Fools” Grossery Bag. Honorable mentions get one of our lusted-after Loser magnets, “Too-Weak Notice” or “Certificate of (de) Merit.” First Offenders receive only a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink for their first ink). *Deadline is Tuesday, Sept. 3* (aw, don’t labor on Labor Day); results published Sept. 22 in print, Sept. 19 online. See general contest rules and guidelines at wapo.st/InvRules . The headline “Short Fuses” is by Tom Witte; Jesse Frankovich wrote the honorable-mentions subhead. Join the lively Style Invitational Devotees group on Facebook at /on.fb.me/invdev ./ “Like” the Style Invitational Ink of the Day on Facebook at /bit.ly/inkofday; / follow @StyleInvite on Twitter. *The Style Conversational: *The Empress’sweekly online column discusses the week’s new contest and results. This week, an answer key to the Week 1342 results. See it at wapo.st/conv1346 . And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . . *SHORT FUSES: COMB. ABBREVS. FROM WEEK 1342* In *Week 1342 *we asked you to mash together two abbreviations. If you can’t figure out some of the portmanteaus below — the Empress herself spent lots of hours puzzling over the 1,000-plus entries — check out this week’s Style Conversational at *wapo.st/conv1346 * for an answer key. 4th place: *J/KKK:* “Ha ha ha, of course I’m not racist! That was just a Halloween costume.”/(Danielle Nowlin, Fairfax Station, Va.) / Why just sit there when you can tap out a jaunty tune? This week's second prize. 3rd place: *PhDD: *Person who might have occasion to say, “Excuse me, my brain is up here.” /(Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.) / 2nd place and the sarcasm sign andbutton: *WCCR:* The bathroom on the right./(Chris Doyle, Ponder, Tex.) / And the winner of the Lose Cannon: *UNICEFU:* "Every child's life is precious! . . . Oh, wait, those children aren't from here." /(Danielle Nowlin) / Short-term losses: Honorable mentions *AARPG:* The ultimate “get off my lawn” weapon. /(Ira Allen, Bethesda, Md.)/ *AARPM:* 45s, 33s and still a few 78s/. (Rob Huffman, Fredericksburg, Va.) / *AFL-CIOB/GYN:* For all your labor needs. /(Jeff Shirley, Richmond, Va.)/ *NSFWH:* Warning stamp on federal agency documents containing facts./(Kevin Dopart, Washington)/ *AT&T&A:* Its cellphone agreement page features lots of naughty pictures, but still no one reads it. /(Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.) / *BCCNN:* Default email setting of White House junior staffers that explains the continual “according to insiders” scoops. /(Stephen Litterst, Newark, Del.) / *BYOBNB:* Camping. /(Melissa Balmain, Rochester, N.Y.)/ *CCCPAC:* Annual gathering of conservative activists and their Soviet supporters. /(Chris Doyle)/ *CRISPRBG:* The science that many Americans wish could keep the justice around forever. /(Dottie Gray, Alexandria, Va.) / *CVSTFU:* “Customer Smathers to the pharmacy desk — your stool softeners are ready for pickup.” /(Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.)/ *DCAPTCHA: *“Select all images with a corrupt, power-hungry liar.” /(Jesse Frankovich, Grand Ledge, Mich.)/ *ETASAP:* “Get your butt in here /now!” / /(Roger Dalrymple, Gettysburg, Pa.)/ *ETATMI:* “I’ll be there between 19 minutes 24 seconds and 21 minutes 7 seconds from now.” /(Roy Ashley, Washington) / *FICOCD: *Obsessively checking your credit score after every transaction./(Stephen Dudzik, Olney, Md.)/ *FOMOMG!: *What teens suffer when they have to put their phones away. /(Bill Dorner, Indianapolis)/ *FUBARNR:* Spring break./(Kerry Humphrey, Arlington, Va.)/ *GMOMG*: “Check out the size of those tomatoes!” /(Kyle Hendrickson, Frederick, Md.)/ *GOPDA:* Kissing the president’s butt in full view of your constituents./(Jesse Frankovich)/ *HOVIP:* A clown car driver in the high-occupancy lane. /(Bob Kruger, Rockville, Md.)/ *IBMAGA: *The company whose motto is “Don’t think.” /(Ward Kay, Vienna, Va.) / *IMDBFF:* That one acquaintance you only invite to hang out on pub trivia nights. /(Matt Monitto, Bristol, Conn.)/ **IRSVP*: *“Please respond by April 15.” /(Jesse Rifkin, Arlington, Va.) / *LMAOB/GYN:* “Ha ha, look at the speculum! Doesn’t it look like a duck? Quack, quack! Okay, get back to work, there, Mr. Duck!” /(Danielle Nowlin)/ *MSRPOTUS:* The going rate for emoluments. /(Sam Mertens, Silver Spring, Md.) / *NARAla: *Uh, we’ve got some work to do. /(Sam Mertens)/ *NASAFTRA:* The dedicated men, women and FX artists who helped fake the moon landing./(Stephen Dudzik)/ *NFLOL:* “We’re doing all we can to make the sport safer for the players.” /(Mark Raffman)/ *NSFWD-40:* Lubricant for even more uses! /(April Musser Brand, Alpharetta, Ga.)/ *OB/GYNRA:* A group that supports shotgun weddings. /(Jesse Frankovich)/ *OMBDSM:* “We really, really love budget cuts — deep, sharp, stinging ones.”/(Kevin Dopart)/ *401KO:* Effect of Trump’s trade war on my retirement account. /(John Hutchins, Silver Spring, Md.)/ *OMGCYA:* “Nobody wants to see you in that Speedo!”/(Jeff Strong, Fairfax, Va.)/ *RSVPS:* Announcing to your hosts that you’ll also be bringing guests they did not invite. “RSVPS: Fido will be coming, too — don’t worry, we’ll bring carpet cleaner!” /(Kevin Dopart) / *SAT&T:* The new “open phone” exam. /(Eric Nelkin, Silver Spring, Md.)/ *TMIHOP:* Telling the server that the Fresh ’N Fruity makes you Rooty Tooty. /(Jean Sorensen, Herndon, Va.) / *USUK: *America and Britain issue a joint declaration to the rest of the world. /(Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase, Md.)/ *WTFIFA:* The 2022 World Cup in Qatar?/(Jim Derby, Rockville, Md.) / *WTFLOTUS?*: Wearing a pith helmet in Kenya? /(Bill Dorner)/ *YMCAARP: *Favorite place of the Retirement Village People. /(Barbara Turner, Takoma Park, Md.) / *YMCAT: *Young men, a bunch of premeds/ I said young men, there’s plenty of beds . . . /(Mike Gips, Bethesda, Md.)/ *YOLOTOH:* Better safe than sorry. /(Jesse Frankovich)/ *Still running — deadline Monday night, Aug. 26: Our contest for fake trivia about food. See wapo.st/invite1345 . * *DON’T MISS AN INVITE! * Sign up here to receive a once-a-week email from the Empress as soon as The Style Invitational and Style Conversational go online every Thursday, complete with links to the columns.